


Ned and the Undead

by yuletide_archivist



Category: Pushing Daisies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-01-13
Updated: 2009-01-13
Packaged: 2018-01-25 08:54:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1642676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuletide_archivist/pseuds/yuletide_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A mysterious stranger comes to town.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ned and the Undead

**Author's Note:**

> Written for lunarknightz

 

 

Silence.

Olive Snook reached over to grab the emptied coffee mug, left alone and abandoned by the coffee drinker. The silence of the Pie Hole was quite deafening this late night. She felt it. With the mug in hand, she stood in the middle of the tables and listened; her head tilted just so to one side.

Silence.

Something was missing. Like the white noise of a fan gone dead. Or a narrator, omnipresent and omniscient, gone....eerily silent. 

The mug in Olive's hand shook. Her wide eyes darted from corner to corner. Everything still, everything in place. She was alone tonight to close up. Ned and Chuck having already gone to do what only two people who did not touch could do. Though whatever that was, it led to strange thoughts in Olive's head so she just shook off the oddness as best she could. 

When she went into the kitchen to dispose of the dirty dishes, a cold wind blew from the outside. Olive felt it, like a piercing chill. "Hello?" she called out. A small tremor was in her voice. She peeked her head out of the kitchen to see the front door was closed. But also that there was a tall man standing there. 

Olive gasped. The man was gorgeous. Not cute like Ned was cute in his adorable way, but drop dead long dark hair, icy blue eyes gorgeous. "I'm sorry, we're closed," Olive said. She wanted to sound confident and commanding but the words came out small. 

"I do not wish for pie," the man said in a strange accent. European? Thought Olive. Oo la la. 

The black coat swirled around the man though there was no breeze around him. Olive stared into the man's eyes and felt herself become hypnotized. Her legs felt weak and numb. Her heart made a playful skip. Unknowingly she smiled at him. Invitingly. 

"What do you wish for?" she found herself saying. She leaned against the counter in the suggestive way that she sometimes did for Ned. Unlike Ned, the man appeared to be drawn in to her. The man smiled back at her just as seductively. 

"I wish to find my soul."

"Anything I can do to help?" she asked softly. Her smile was even brighter. 

"I am looking for a man named Emerson Cod."

Olive's smile faltered. Her eyebrows knotted together with confusion. "Emerson? I know Emerson Cod. I can help you."

The man was close to her now. His eyes glinted at her recognition of his search. Olive felt the pools of his eyes drowning her soul. She fell down, down, down, into them. "I know that you can," the stranger whispered.

Olive found herself barely able to speak. The breath was taken from her body in a not unpleasant way. "Whatever you wish," she sighed into him. He was so much taller than she; her head looked up at him as if he was the sky and she was nothing but the world's tiniest creature. 

"Excellent," said the stranger as he suddenly pulled Olive to him. Olive found herself useless to resist against him. It was like he was made of stone and just as cold to touch. His lips bent down to touch her neck. Like ice. And she thought vaguely to herself that she should scream but found that she was not motivated enough to do so. His eyes were just too beautiful and she was lost in them.

* * *

Digby found her first with Ned right behind him. "Olive?" Ned shouted. The dog licked at her. Ned knelt down to the floor of Pie Hole. His face hovered above Olive's. Her face was peaceful as she laid on her back. Her hands crossed neatly over her stomach as if she was a corpse in a coffin. 

"Olive!" Ned hesitated to shake her. What if she were truly dead? But then he would need to touch her to bring her back to life so he could find out what happened. He took his finger and touched her cheek. 

Her cheek was warm and soft and he sighed with great relief. Her eyes fluttered open. "Ned?" she asked. Then she received another giant lick. "Digby!" she smiled. 

Ned took her hands and pulled her into a sitting position. He stayed on the floor with her.

"Whoow," Olive said, bringing her hands to her head. "Dizzy." Then as Digby snuggled close to her, she wrapped her arms around his furry neck for support. 

"What happened?" she asked.

Ned looked at her with grave concern. "I was going to ask you the same thing. You've been here... all night?"

Olive buried her face in Digby's fur. Her hands ruffled his ears. The dog seemed pleased with the attention. "It seems so," she said. She turned her eyes to Ned's. "I don't remember what happened."

He took her hands and helped her to her feet. One of her shoes had come off and he handed it to her. "Your...shoe?"

Olive's smile was both embarrassed and a little smitten. Ned cleared his throat loudly and shoved his hands in his pockets. "The doors were locked when I came in."

When Olive looked around him to see that the door had indeed been unmolested, Ned's eyes widened on the suspicious marks spotted on her neck. "Uh, Olive? Have you...what happened to your neck?"

Olive was surprised. Her hand flew to her neck and touched the sore and sensitive markings. She ran over to the kitchen, picked up one of the shiny clean pans and saw her reflection. Two small marks on the side of her neck. Like a bite. 

Ned watched her carefully. Shock and then recognition crossed her face. She dropped the pan on the counter and backed away from Ned. She smiled and her eyes were wild, like a deer caught in the headlights. "Just bug bites. Nasty bug bites. Ha! They got me."

Ned frowned. "It's the middle of winter. There are no insects."

"Bed bugs! Yes, brought some back from the convent with me. I should call a fumigator right away."

And with that she hurried away from him. Ned turned to say something, but the front door was already shutting as she bolted out.

Digby watched the door shut and whined ever so softly.

* * * It was quite gruesome to be sure but the amount of zeroes in the dollar figure was divine. Emerson Cod felt himself give a little sigh of fortune because just last night another victim of the midnight serial killer was found. Here. In his city. 

He took a sip of his coffee, feeling like it was the best cup of joe he had in a long time. Ned seated himself across from the private detective. His face showed his question. Emerson savored the moment, taking another sip of coffee, and let the pie-maker wait just a little bit longer.

"Ever seen a victim drained of all blood before?" Emerson asked. He settled back. 

Ned made a pained expression. One of horror with a tiny slice of fascination. "No," he said slowly. 

"Neither have I," said Emerson. "That is why we are going down to the morgue today."

"Someone died with all their blood...drained?" Ned gulped. "Like from a vampire?"

"Who's a vampire?" Charlotte Charles stood next to their table. Her eyes sparked with interest. Emerson frowned as she slid in next to him. 

"There is no such thing as vampires," Ned said. 

"Says the man who brings the dead back," Emerson smirked. 

"They are alive and then dead, then alive again. Nothing else supernatural about it."

"Yeah," Chuck smiled. "It's not like I have a taste for human flesh like a zombie would."

Emerson shuddered. Ned turned a little pale at the thought. 

Zombies.

Ned cleared his throat. "Well, we should be going?"

Oh yes, Emerson Cod thought, they should be going right away. There was a corpse to question and a reward to be collected. 

This one would be as easy as pie.

* * *

A body without blood was still a dead body. Ned wondered rather morbidly if he had somehow become jaded by the gruesome murders he and Emerson had come across in their time of working together. There was really nothing too bad about this one. Not like the corpse splattered by a fallen piano. And then charred. 

Or the one severed into pieces by piano wire. 

Or the one...come to think of it, Ned thought. There had been a lot of deaths involving pianos lately. This was a nice reprieve.

"The body is not going to raise itself," Emerson muttered. The three of them - Emerson, Chuck, and Ned - stood beside the poor young woman, Emma Wilshire, who looked rather serene on the slab.

"You can hardly tell she's dead," Chuck said. "Not even a hair out of place."

The young woman had been very pretty, Ned saw. Her blonde hair cascaded around her. Only the bluish hue of her face gave her death away.

Ned reached out his finger, with a quick glance to Emerson who started the timer. As his finger touched her face, Ned felt the spark of life give way.

The young woman blinked rapidly. "Where? What?" she stuttered. Her eyes locked on to Ned's. 

"Where is he?"

"He who?" Emerson asked. 

The young woman clasped her hands together and sighed dreamily. "The man of my dreams. I found him, lost in the night. He kissed me like I have never been kissed before. It was magical."

"Was he the one that killed you?" Chuck said.

"I'm dead?" the young woman's face wrinkled in sudden distress. She sat up on the slab. Tears welled in her bright blue eyes. "He said I reminded him of the woman he loved and lost. And...and I am dead?"

Ned glanced at Emerson. Emerson was getting impatient. "Do you know who he is?" 

"No," sobbed the woman. "I never saw him before. I found him outside my apartment. He looked so lost. He was so cold too so I brought him upstairs with me. He told me the saddest story and then kissed me. He was so very cold..."

Her face pulled together, her eyes clouded. Confused. She reached her hand to her neck and pushed aside her long blonde hair. Her fingers trailed over two puncture wounds. 

Ned's eyes widened at the marks. His stomach clenched and his blood ran cold. With a jerk, he reached out with his finger and the body went lifeless. 

"Aw, hell no," Emerson swore. "Are those bite marks on her throat?"

Chuck leaned over to examine the wounds. She looked to Ned, then Emerson, back to Ned. "Still don't believe in vampires?"

* * *

Olive Snook found herself standing in front of an old desolated house. Long condemned by even the vagrants of the city. She looked around nervously. It was close to dusk and freezing cold. She shivered. A warm bright scarf was wound around her neck. The two round bite marks were pulsing.

"Yes, master," she whispered. "I hear you."

She walked to the front of the house like a woman possessed. Her steps slow and careful. She felt her whole body drawn there. Again she shivered. 

Olive. A voice whispered in her head. Olive.

* * *

The Pie Hole was closed for the night and Ned watched as Chuck cleared off the last of the tables. Emerson jerked a thumb at her. "So where is the other one?" he said.

Ned shook his head and watched the front door. As if any moment, he expected Olive to walk in. "I don't know. She had been acting strange today."

"Yeah, I noticed it too. She served me decaf. She knows better than to give me that." Emerson grimaced.

Ned wiped the rest of the counter off before sitting down next to Emerson. "Any new leads on the vampire case?"

"There ain't no damn vampire," Emerson said. 

"The victims have no blood in them. Two marks on each of the victims' throats," Ned counted off on his fingers. He thought about Olive and the marks on her neck. "And they are only killed in the middle of the night."

"Sounds like a vampire to me," said Chuck as she passed by.

If he were a cartoon animal, his face would be fire red. As it was, Emerson Cod was certainly mad. 

"So now you have him believing in vampires?" he said angrily to Chuck. "There are no such things as vampires."

Ned backed off. "You are the detective here," he said, conceding the argument.

"Damn straight."

"So... any new leads?" 

"No."

"Oh."

There was a long stretch of silence. Chuck had finished her cleaning and joined them around the counter. "We should go to her apartment," Chuck said. 

"Already searched," said Emerson. "No signs anything."

"Maybe he left as a bat?" Ned said. Emerson shot him a dark look. 

"Maybe..." but Chuck's words were cut off as the front door opened with a bang.

The trio turned to see Olive Snook standing there, a blank expression on her face. 

"Emerson Cod?" she said in a hollow tone.

"What?" Emerson answered.

"The master will see you now."

Ned and Chuck exchanged worried glances. "Olive?" Chuck asked. "Are you okay?"

Olive gave a smile that was both bright and fake. "Just peachy!" Then her face instantly went blank again. "Emerson Cod, the master is waiting for you."

"And where is this master?" 

"I will take you to him." With that, she turned from them and walked out of the Pie Hole.

* * *

Olive did not seem to mind that Ned and Chuck followed her as she led Emerson to the master. And Emerson did not seem to mind the revolver in his knitted holster. Olive said nothing as she led them to the desolated house on the outskirts of the city. Chuck shivered in the cold. Ned wanted to be the coat she held so tightly against herself. Instead he remained quiet, walking beside her with his hands shoved in his pockets. He whispered to Chuck. "I think Olive was bitten by the vampire."

"What?" she whispered back, glancing at him sharply. 

"I saw two marks on her neck yesterday. Like the dead woman."

"But Olive isn't dead."

"I think the vampire is using her. Like some sort of hypnosis."

Chuck's breath caught. "Poor Olive. How can we save her?"

Ned clenched his hands into fists in his pockets. He shivered against the cold, cold wind. "Just be ready. I think she's taking us to him. We will find the vampire, save Olive, and solve the murders."

* * *

When Ned said to be ready, he should have really taken it to heart himself. As it was, the desolate house had such a dark eeriness to it that Ned felt the chill of death all around. Even Chuck's beautiful face had gone pale with fright. 

Emerson Cod shuffled his feet and would go no farther. Olive simply turned to them and beckoned. She seemed unaffected by the cold wind or the sinister house. Her face was set and still. 

"Please come in," she said. Emerson took a deep breath and looked back at the others. Vampire, Ned mouthed to him. And he saw that this time, Emerson might just believe a tiny bit of it.

Reward. Ned saw in Emerson's eyes that this was the focus that he needed. All that money. For surely this was what Emerson understood the best. The big man took a deep breath and gestured at Olive. "Well, okay then," he said in a voice that shook just a little.

Chuck's face grew even graver as she looked at Ned. Pleading. She did not want to go inside and neither did Ned. But he had something in his coat that Chuck did not know. He felt the wooden spoon inside his pocket. It was no proper stake but was sturdy enough to maybe do the trick. 

Ned and Chuck followed up the creaking steps into the darkness inside. The pie-maker wanted so badly to hold Chuck's hand. They each shivered alone. 

Olive walked them through the twisting hallways and down into the basement. A single lamp was lit as a man stood beside an old open coffin. 

"I have brought Emerson Cod, my master," Olive said.

"Very good, my child," he said in a velvety voice. The mysterious man turned to face them. "You have brought guests?"

"Yes, my master. They work with Emerson Cod on all his cases. They can help you too." Olive sounded so eager to please. Ned knew well that tone in her voice. She had used with him often.

The vampire sighed. "Very well then. Emerson Cod, I would like to hire you."

Emerson Cod had been standing there frozen. His eyes had gone very wide at the sight of the coffin and the man creature's extremely pale face. Now he believed 100% that the man was a vampire indeed. Now as the vampire made an offer to him, he found himself unable to speak clearly. "Em, yes, well, I...ahem..."

Ned held his breath but he could not hold back. "You are the one responsible for the death of Emma Wilshire?"

"Who?" The vampire was unperturbed.

"Young, blonde. Found dead in her apartment two days ago. Bite marks on the side of her neck. Sound familiar?"

The vampire sighed and turned from them. He placed his white hands on the edge of his coffin lid. "Yes," he said sadly. "That was me."

Ned hesitated because he did not expect such a quick and honest response. 

"She reminded me so much of my Victoria."

Emerson held on to the confession, like a fish on a worm. "So you admit that you killed that woman?"

The vampire turned to Emerson. "I need you, great detective. I hear that you have ways of solving even the most impossible of mysteries. I need you to help me gain my soul again."

"Your soul?" Chuck spoke up. Ned looked at her with alarm as he saw the look of compassion on her face. "You want your soul?"

"Yes," the vampire sighed. "The moment I became a vampire, I was damned and my soul taken. And I cannot rest until I get it back. Because without my soul, I cannot be united with my darling Victoria. She waits for me now in heaven."

Emerson huffed. "Just how am I supposed to get your soul back when..."

His words cut off as he caught sight of Ned. Ned's hand was moving into his coat, wrapping around the wooden spoon. "What? Why...are you looking at me...? No, Emerson, no."

"What?" The vampire looked at both of them. "What is it?"

"For the right price..." Emerson began.

"He's a vampire!" Ned said. "He's a killer."

"It's the demon in him," Chuck said. Her eyes were bright with understanding. "Ned! You must bring him back to life! Like me. Look!" She twirled around. "I am no zombie. You brought from the dead and I am whole. My soul is in here," and she clasped her hands at her chest, over her heart. 

An expression of horror dawned on Ned's face. He shook his head. 

The vampire and Olive Snook looked at the trio. One with hope. The other with utter confusion. 

"Uh, maybe we should talk price first?" Emerson said slowly but he was ignored. 

Chuck went over to the vampire. "See, he doesn't want to hurt us. He is no killer, right?"

The vampire shook his head. "I have no choice with the hunger. The demon makes me a monster."

"He's not alive. He's dead. Well, sort of. Undead. If you touch him, Ned, he will come back to life with his soul intact."

"And then what?" Ned said. "What happens after the minute passes?"

Chuck turned to the vampire. "You are ready to die, aren't you? That is what you want?"

The pale man nodded. "Yes, with my soul, I can die in peace."

Chuck, her bright brown eyes brimming with emotion, looked at Ned. His breath caught at the sight of her, of what she was asking him to do.

There was such hope in her eyes. It made his heart was so full that all the cold fear inside melt away. 

It made him believe.

Ned reached out his finger and touched the vampire. 

The man's skin turned from ghastly pale to rosy pink. He took in a huge breath of air as his eyes alighted with life. A smile, small and timid, then broke out wide and ecstatic. His teeth were human. No more elongated incisors. 

"The demon," he said. "It is gone. I feel it! I feel human for the first time in two hundred years!" 

Ned glanced down at his watch. "You have less than a minute. I'm sorry."

The vampire turned to Olive Snook and knelt before her. "I owe you my salvation, Olive." He took her hand and kissed it frantically. She blushed and gave a tittering laugh. Her eyes, which held no humor at all, kept flickering to Ned.

The vampire turned back to the rest of them. "Thank you, all. I do not know what you do or how, but I am eternally grateful. Now I am ready to meet my Victoria."

Ned nodded. The man knelt before him and Ned reached out one more time.

The vampire fell dead, very dead, at Ned's feet. The body quickly decomposed to that of a two hundred year old corpse. Dust and ashes.

Emerson swore. "Damn, there goes my reward."

Olive Snook fainted.

* * *

"So she doesn't remember any of it?" Chuck whispered quietly to Ned. Ned continued to roll out the pastry dough. 

"None of it. She woke up hours later and had no memory of the last two days. Even the bites on her neck are gone."

"What a relief, right?" Chuck asked. "Now she doesn't know your secret or that she was hypnotized by a love-sick vampire."

"Yeah, I guess so." He looked out of the kitchen to see Olive bustling about the counter, pouring coffee and serving pie to the customers. 

"What is it?" Chuck asked. Ned stopped rolling the dough. 

"It's just that I had never thought about it. The soul. That the dead can come back...differently?"

Chuck's eyes were solemn. "You never would have brought me back if that could happen."

"No, I suppose not."

"Maybe now, you can be the Soul Avenger. Saving the souls of vampires."

"Would you come with me?"

"Of course!" Chuck smiled and picked up a small piece of plastic wrap. She held it to her face and pressed a kiss. Ned's lips met hers. She felt the soft pressure of his mouth and sighed at his closeness. The moment was brief but she held on to it as long as she could. "You are my own hero. You saved my soul and not just from death." 

 


End file.
